Trapped
by Kaeru Shisho
Summary: Poor Zelgadiss... can Xelloss save him? Can he be trusted? From a story we wrote three years ago.


**Trapped **  
  
****

Trapped in-between rocks.

If I weren't so scared, I'd be laughing at the irony of the situation. 1/3 rock golem…I'm as near to being rock as any human being ever has been, and now I'm imprisoned in a rock coffin. Gods...Lina always accused me that I was a captive of my own mind-- incasing my good humor and future in a hopeless cause, trying to find my 'cure', and losing every possibility of a happy life. Well, now I've done it in spades.

Actually, it was Lina who found the old map in the antique store. It was dotted with 'lost libraries and shrines'. One promised more than the others did—a cave called Chuthafu-- boasting the spell books of a long-dead sorcerer. I bought the idea and the map, and then took off on my own. I didn't even tell Gourry goodbye. Hope Lina did for me.

Maybe she did. I feel better believing she did.

I left immediately and found the rock outcropping with no trouble. I ate my last meal at the inn of the tiny village nearby, where the innkeeper warned me that the caves were treacherous. Well, of course they were, otherwise folks would be giving tours of the place! Ignoring him, I attacked the prospect with the same single-mindedness I've approached all my other possible cures.

Now here I am.

The cave entrance was small. I had to crawl on my hands and knees. Even then, if I hadn't been so thin, I'm sure I wouldn't have slipped through the narrow gap in the boulders. Once inside, it was apparent that a rockslide had recently closed off part of the vast network of cavities threading into and down under the mountainside. The map gave no clue as to where to begin a search, it simply marked the entrance location.

"Lighting."

At least my Shaman skills were of some use, if only to light my way. Water seeped into the cave leaving a slick scum coating the floor, roof and sides of my tunnel. I had to move with great caution in order not to slip and lose my footing. Once when my eye caught a glimpse of movement, and so, distracted me for one terrible moment, my foot settled onto an unstable gravel-covered spot and slipped out from under me. My stomach lurched as I fell hard onto the slippery rock, and skidded as if on ice off the narrow ledge and down into darkness.

"LIGHTING!"

"RAY WING!"

Wrong order. Too late.

"Chew the Food? That's a funny name for a cave, Lina!" the big swordsman chuckled.

"Chuthafu!" Xelloss gasped, worry clouding his usually smiling visage. "Gourry, how long ago did he leave?"

"Hours ago…before lunch," Lina interceded, knowing Gourry would not have a ready answer. "We'd had breakfast, gone treasure hunting in town, bought the map, and then he took it and took off. Why? What do you know about the place?"

Xelloss turned his back and held a finger to his lips in concentration.

"Mr. Xelloss? Is Mr. Zelgadiss heading into some kind of danger there? Tell us, please! Oh, Miss Lina, what if he's in trouble! Why did he just take off like that?" the young princess cried with concern.

"Amelia, he probably hoped to check it out and regroup later in the week. It wasn't far and he prefers to have time to compose himself after another disappointment." Lina offered the scenario with a great deal of optimism thrown in.

"To answer your other question," Xelloss said in a low voice, his purple slitted-eyes open. "Yes, eminent danger. Those catacombs were mined-out hundreds of years ago and are unstable, even deadly. He'll find no cure in there."

"Well then we'd better get going if we're going to help him!" Lina yelled as she charged off in a dust cloud of her own making.

SHIMMER 

Instantaneously, Xelloss reappeared in the road blocking Lina's path. "That's not a good idea. If he's there, I'll find him. If he's hurt, I can teleport him to safety, and he'll need all your combined healing spells to repair his body. Stay here, save your strength, and I'll be back," he insisted.

Before Lina had a chance to argue, Xelloss was gone.

SHIMMER 

"Oh, Miss Lina! We must do something!" Amelia insisted.

"As much as I hate to admit it, Xelloss is right," the red-haired sorceress sighed. "We should stay here and wait…save our strength. Besides, I don't have the map, Zel took it, remember? Xelloss seemed to know where to go, but I don't, and he's gone. So we have no choice but to find a shady spot under this tree and wait." Lina took her own advice and slumped down.

"Ahhh, it's so…so…UNJUST! I feel so useless!" Amelia cried, throwing up her arms in frustration and collapsing next to Lina.

Gourry continued to stand, staring into the distance, at the haze-covered, distant mountains. _He's got to find him. He's got to be okay. I don't want to lose another friend… ___

  
  
Wha…? Where am I? Ah, I'm stuck. Wedged in-between some cleft in the rocks. My legs, I can't seem to get any footing. I can't even feel my legs.

" LIGHTING! "

Oh. Worse than that. So think, Zel, you're the sorcerer, use a spell and get out of this. I could…breakup the rock and… and what? Fall into the blackness below? Ah, I could fly up…until I see another passageway. Even if my legs might be broken, I could fly. Am I strong enough? Well, I'm not getting better staying put. I'll run through the steps a few times…

All right. Don't think about it…which way is out? Well,**_ up_** certainly, but after that? …Don't think about that. Free yourself first, then find the way out.

On the count of three.

One.

Two.

Three.

!!!! !!!! !!!! !!!! !!!! !!!!

PAIN!

Pain and darkness, thank the gods for oblivion from the pain!

…

Oh… I wonder how many hours I've been unconscious? I should be dead. What purpose does it serve me to lie in agony, feeling my life ebb away?

…

A spell. I should use a spell and blow up the rocks and die… Shit. I haven't the strength to move. Ah, that's because I'm covered with rock. It's a wonder I can breathe.

…

Ahhh… Still alive? How the gods must hate me!

…

My poor friends… I hope they aren't out there risking their lives looking for me. But, then, how could they? No one knows where I am.

Lina does.

Vaguely.

She knows the name of the caves, but I have the map. Good. So they can't come looking for me and are safe. Now, if I could only move a little bit…

…

I can't move! I can't MOVE! Darkness everywhere!

…

Numb… Do I still have my legs? Not MORE pain! No…

…

Ah, my dear friends…I do miss you… How little did I appreciate you! Why did I run off? How petty a man I was, huh? To place so much importance on my appearance! Like THAT mattered to the world…or to you. Well, now we know the answer to that stupid question: What does it take to knock some sense into my thick, rock skull, eh Lina? A mountain of rock!

…

Regrets… I sure wish I hadn't come here, heh, heh… Oh…no breath for laughing…

I wish I'd let Gourry know how much I liked his easy-going smile and laid-back attitude. He's a magnificent swordsman too, but I never complimented him enough.

Too late now.

Lina, if I could, I'd tell you how much I've enjoyed life with you around. Always exciting, real… of the moment. So beautiful…

Ah, too bad…

And poor Amelia, my princess without a prince. I wasn't ever going to be your prince, you know? Not me. I should have made it clear, and saved you the tears now, huh? I meant to spare you those tears, I did mean to…

Ah, my dear friends forever… a short forever now…

Oh, yes… might at well face the truth now…this is where I die.

Xelloss...It hardly matters. But I did want to get to know you better. That demon part of me begged for release each time you were around us. What a teasing aggravation THAT was! And you knew it! You made it worse! Oh, of course, why not? A gloriously powerful Mazouku like yourself certainly would have no reason to care about a mixed-up mess like me. You had the pick of the world…for hundreds of years…what wonders you have seen, eh? Oh, yes, and one bitter chimera. Forget that!

But, what would I give right now for the chance to tell you…

Tell you what? What would I actually say? You _interest_ me. I wanted to be a part of your secrets and travel the world exploring new places and… feeling your companionship. Yes. I would want to say that.

Then die.

I would hate to have to face the humiliation of your disinterest. You'd smile and…no, LAUGH and say 'How amusing you are, you scum-off-my-shoes chimera creature!' Something like that. But I WOULD have told you, and it would have been one less regret I'd be having now…or maybe that would have only created more.

I WANT TO DIE NOW! DO YOU HEAR ME, GODS OF THIS WORLD?

Cold… dark and cold and silent…

Not silent! I hear a voice! Yes? YES?

NO!

No voice…my imagination…of course…this is when the madness sets in…

I wonder if Xelloss knows of this torture…a slow spiral into insanity before death by burial-alive?

Please…let me die…soon…

"Zelgadiss! Can you hear me?"

"Xel…"

"Yes, it's Xelloss. I could sense you in here but it's taken me awhile to find you. I was hoping you'd still be alive."

"Fun…ny, I… was ho…hoping I was dead."

"I don't know how to get you out of the rock," Xelloss said desperately.

"Just t…talk to me. I was starting to go mad in here with only my thoughts…the dark…I don't even feel anymore…no pain…numb…like the rock. I…can't breathe…"

"Ah, just focus on breathing then, while I think. I'll think out loud so you know you're not alone, okay? Now, I can teleport you, but I need to touch you. Now there's several hundred pounds of rock around you and…how do I get through that, get you out, and keep you alive? Are you listening?"

"Yes…I'm fading here…I just wanted to say thank you for trying…and thank you for keeping me sane in these last moments…so I can die with some dignity."

"Zelgadiss! I've got it! Hold on. I'll enter through my astral form and contact you. We can converse without you having to talk. You can save your energy for the ride out."

SHIMMER

"I can feel you in my mind, Xelloss. Oh, it's so good not to be alone in death. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Zelgadiss. Now, I'm going to teleport you out."

"No! I won't make it. I'm broken to pieces; this rock tomb holds me together. Whoa… are those tears Xelloss? This astral communication is very realistic. Why do I feel tears?"

"Ah…you're right, Zelgadiss. You're in bad shape. You may not make it. But I have another idea. I'll tell you, but I don't think you're going to like it. If…IF… you die before I get you to Lina and Amelia for healing…I could heal you myself. That's right I can…no not the 'Resurrection' spell, but…yes, like Valgaav. You'd become Mazouku, Zelgadiss."

"Oh… That's not good, Xelloss… You should have kept THAT a secret. I could never face Lina, Gourry, Amelia that way, you know. I'd rather just die. Let them remember me as I always was to them, not as a Mazouku…I'm sorry. I don't mean to insult you, you who have been so good to me…in the end. I just…wanted to be human again, that's all. Ah…there go the tears again…must be mine, huh?

"Please, Zelgadiss. Let me try… You can look human…more than as a chimera. And…I'll keep you with me, teach you. We'll be friends, companions, anything you want. They will never have to know. I'll tell them you died."

"It would be true…" Zelgadiss sighed, pausing to think before continuing.

"Xelloss? How different would I be? Would I be able to remember my past? Valgaav was such a tortured soul. I don't want to be like him at ALL! Imagine…to have Lina hunt me down and murder me! Or me HER and the others! Gods, that would be worse than death! No… I shall die here…"

Xelloss was listening, but he was also drawing up all his power. He would need it to free Zelgadiss successfully.

"Oh… Xelloss, may I ask you for another favor though? Tell them… tell them I loved them all and that they were the finest people I ever knew and that I was honored to call them all my friends. Um, and you too, by the way. There, got all that? Good. I'm so tired now. I don't think I have much more to say."

"Zelgadiss! Listen! You wouldn't turn out like Valgaav! You're already part demon-- a crappy one but it's a start-- and he was a dragon, about as difficult a race to transform as there is! I could make the transition would go smoothly!"

Xelloss knew his time was running out. He desperately wanted to help the other man, although he couldn't say why. The feelings of friendship and camaraderie he understood, but over time they transmuted him; Xelloss had become more receptive to companionship and intimacy—both foreign to the average Mazouku. He had certainly observed the human craving-for-another-to-share-a- life cycle hundreds of times over his lifetime, but never experienced it first hand. Or had he simply not recognized how his feelings had grown and matured, until it was all about to end? Now he had to come to terms with himself, honestly. If he cared for the other man, deeply, he must save him. It could possibly be his only chance to fully participate in a true friendship.

"Zelgadiss, are you still listening? Okay, what if I promised… that you could keep your memories, untouched, and that… if you were dissatisfied, I would kill you on the spot? Understand you would be mine, but I'd never order you to kill your friends and I'd protect you. Zelgadiss! I don't want to lose you! You have been the only one I could call my friend. You keep me grounded in the human world and give me purpose beyond my duties and my work. If you die, without trying this at least, then…I will …go back to being the master of chaos and mayhem. There, I've revealed what accounts for my soul to you!"

"Xelloss? You sound sincere."

"I AM! LET ME TRY!"

"Why? Do you need me to say yes? Can't you just do it whether I want it or not?"

"Yes, but without your assent, your soul won't be mine…you'll be doomed. Say the word…please…"

"Sigh All right. Just promise me I'll look human, like you. And let the others think…I died. Promise?"

"All as you wish. Promise. Now close your eyes…"

  
  
"Look Lina! It's Xelloss…" Gourry's excited shout finished with a choked off gasp, "… He's alone…"

Xelloss could hardly look upon his human companions' faces. Grief-filled, they all sat and listened to his words. He told them of Zel's desperate, but brave fight to survive. Of his calm acceptance of his own death. And of his final words of love to his friends who were in his thoughts to his very end.

Xelloss hid his eyes in his bangs. He didn't want to show his own sorrow and humiliation for failing to return Zelgadiss to his friends…not even his body. He couldn't enjoy their sorrow, as the Mazouku race does.

"His body remains there, entombed in the rock. I…I destroyed the caves…the mountain is his shrine. I, ah, must go now… We'll meet again soon," The pale-faced Mazouku promised, and then bowed to Lina before vanishing.

SHIMMER 

He disappeared, leaving Lina, Gourry, and Amelia to their deal with their own suffering and heartache.

SHIMMER 

Xelloss reappeared within the stone-cold walls of his room on Wolfpack Island. He passed a hand over the face of a figure lying prone on his bed, whispering an 'awakening' spell, and then asked, "So, how are you feeling?"

The young man with pale flesh and dark shaggy hair opened his eyes. "Different. The same. Lighter." He blinked and struggled to a sitting position. "Is it over? Did you tell them I died? _Did_ I die? Am I dreaming?"

Floating to Zel's side and kneeling at his feet, Xelloss brought the two friends face to face. "Yes. I told them everything you wanted me to. I believe it helped, or will with time. They will miss you very much, Zelgadiss."

"Maybe we'll see them sometime?" Zel wondered.

"Very likely. Would you like that? You've got time to change your mind a dozen times, you know," the Mazouku smiled.

"I think I need to get used to… this new me first. I have to say, it didn't hurt at all like the spell Rezo used on me."

"Well, he turned you into a chimera. I merely altered the chemistry some. I put you in this form, for appearance-sake, but you are still naturally…."

"Don't say it, please. For now, let me feel like a human. I have the rest of eternity to be a Mazouku."

"As you wish…for a little while," grinned the powerful Mazouku. "MY Zelgadiss… forever trapped…"

End Trapped


End file.
